by Chad Hollis
My Dearest,
Go in peace, I say..
Walk away chewing ulcers
into your cheeks, but keep
your dignity. She says “If
it looks like a pussy, if it tastes
like a pussy, dig in boy, you’ve
got yourself a feast.” Please
spare us both, and just walk
away from me.
I am not responsible for your
happiness, do not give power
to me that I don’t want.
Now I want it even less. You
choose to ignore this small detail,
handing it all over, thinking that
if you keep upping the stakes,
I’ll change my mind and care.
Tentatively, you try to give me
more, as I back further and further
away. With your softness and
clinging like a young girl, I can’t
ever want you.
I am ashamed of you; a blot
on that impeccable past of
mine, and you are there. Oh,
the humiliation! You, who was
nothing more than a diversion,
who I stomached because you
were nice to me (and because
there were no others). With
you, I dreamed of the others,
who were cruel, who I loved.
There was a shrine to –
who only fucked me with
her cunt, her soul sitting at
home on the bed, right where
she left it. Who kills me on a
daily basis because she sees
fit to torment me. “It drives
you”, she says, “only
indifference spurs you, never
love.” I suspect she is right.
I could barely tolerate looking
at you, now the memory of having
touched you turns my stomach.
You told me what a great lover
you were and I snicker to myself,
thinking of whoever told you that
was laughing at you on the inside.
I want to tell you that
screaming and moaning on a dry
cock does not make you a fuck
master… but I suspect you grind
wherever you can. Seems like
you’ve been trying to trap a man
for so long, you’ve convinced
yourself that it’s all me.
Seeing you so weak, girlish,
pathetic even, I could never
want you. You are too easily
overwhelmed You could
never make me cry and for that,
I could never love you. I can
only give my love to those that
make me cry.
Avoiding your mouth, keep
my lips firmly shut. No, I just
don’t like kissing (YOU). On
your meandering trip to death,
with a long lay over in Nowhere.
you expect me to keep you
going. My life is bleak enough;
I can go nowhere on my own,
I’d rather it was a conscious
decision.